u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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