Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
