I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
