I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
