I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
