what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
