it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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