tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
