bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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