he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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