I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
