Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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