i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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