I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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