I think I won the penis lottery.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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