dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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