Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
