We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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