Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
