why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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