I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
They took my balls.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
that may or may not have been my penis.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
