Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
