a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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