I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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