my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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