When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
