We're like a lot better than the average bears
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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