My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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