I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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