I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
soo... how was my night?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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