apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
