the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
