im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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