The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
COCAINE IS GR8
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