I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I need a beard to bite.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
