I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
