your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize