i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
The best revenge is premature balding
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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