I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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