I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
her vagine was all disorganized.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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