In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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