3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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