This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
