ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
