sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
