im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
