it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
