I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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