So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
