the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize