Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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