I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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