he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize