who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
