Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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