I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
we're so committed to being not committed
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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