I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Randomize