I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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