put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
