Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
