I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
So squirting runs in the family.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
