someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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