Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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