I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
