Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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