at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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